“A Path Toward One Another,” Rabbi Elaine Zecher’s Shabbat Awakenings
December 12, 2025 | 22 Kislev 5786
Welcome to Shabbat Awakenings, a weekly reflection, as we make our way toward Shabbat. You can also listen to it as a podcast.
If you want to know how NOT to get along, turn to this week’s Torah portion. It is a recipe for disaster that results in selling a brother whom the others hated with the hope of never seeing him again.
As the portion opened, Joseph tended the flocks as a helper to his brothers. The brothers are the sons of Jacob and his wives and two maidservants. That means they are not equal. Joseph was the son of the favored wife, Rachel, and had a really beautiful tunic, a cause of jealousy. Add to this mixture how Joseph tattled on his brothers making them hate him. Joseph shared dreams how sheafs and stars bowed down to him. Even the brothers could surmise the interpretation of their role in the dreams. Their despise of him grew thicker.
Their father, Jacob, watched it unfold before his eyes.
When the brothers went to pasture the flocks, Jacob sent Joseph to see how they were doing, but an encounter on the way added spice that would inform his life. Out in the middle of nowhere, a person appeared to Joseph and posed a question in a curious way. He didn’t ask where he was going or if he was lost. Instead, this unnamed person asked him: “What are you looking for?” Ma tevakesh מַה־תְּבַקֵּֽשׁ or it could translate as “What do you want?” The curiosity helped to direct him to his brothers.
It didn’t end well because when he reached his brothers, they threw him in a pit and then eventually sold him. But Joseph arrived in Egypt and — spoiler alert — he lived in the palace after some challenges. Again, spoiler alert, Joseph would save his brothers instead of exacting revenge upon them. More on that in the weeks to come.
In this week’s portion, hate, deceit, ill will, jealousy, and violence make up the key ingredients. They don’t lead to a positive result. The incident of the anonymous man, however, added the flavor.
Joseph had to figure out what he wanted and what he was really looking for. It would inform him as he made his way once in Egypt in the way he responded to challenge. I thought about this incident on Thursday night at Temple Israel during a helpful and informative discussion about how we talk to one another. The organization, Setting the Table, helps congregations consider what it means to be curious with one another rather than divisive and rigid in our behavior.
Members of our congregation showed and so did 4 past presidents, 3 board members, 2 rabbis, 1 cantor and 1 Executive Director. Our Director of Program, Lily Van Cleave, organized the event. I felt honored to be there. It doesn’t matter what the topic might be that causes disagreement, it is the method we use to pursue a path to one another that matters.
It is not rocket science. It is active listening. How many times do we find ourselves listening to argue rather than understand? Imagine asking ourselves, “What are you looking for?” Ma tevakesh מַה־תְּבַקֵּֽשׁ in your paying attention to what the other person is saying? They taught us to reflect what we heard and to ask directly, “Did I get that right?”
It is a wonderful, intentional practice that doesn’t need to wait for any major disagreement. Learning and practicing this skill is a path to draw us closer to one another. The alternative, as demonstrated by our portion, is not an option.
Shabbat Shalom! שבת שלום
Connect with me here. What have you been hearing?.
Rabbi Elaine Zecher